Tears build behind your eyes. Your mind plays over and over how much you want to turn and run, but you can’t. No matter what, you have to keep going because you are strong and people are relying on you. How can you endure it, though, when one part of you wants to scream and one part of you wants to break down and sob? You can do neither, and instead, you hold yourself as taut as a wire over the Grand Canyon.

You are in the elevator on your way up to your unit. Your shift hasn’t started yet, but these feelings are already invading your mind, spreading like tree roots into concrete. It will be worse once you are there, but nurses don’t crack. Nurses don’t break down. They get used to it. Except you can’t get used to it. It is killing you.

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